tear your soul apart again
by tocourtdisaster
Summary: He’s not sure how long they sit there, rocking and clinging to one another, before her sobs start to quiet and eventually turn into the occasional sniffle and hiccup. -- Post-finale, from Joshua's point of view.


**Disclaimer:** Not mine. I'm just borrowing the characters and will return them in the same condition I found them in.

**Notes:** This is the first of what will probably end up being several post-finale fics and the one idea that wouldn't let me go until I'd gotten it down on paper, so to speak. The title comes from "If You Could See Into My Soul" by Silverstein.

**Warnings:** Minor adult language and non-explicit incest. It can be read as a close sibling relationship or something slightly less platonic, depending on your interpretation.

* * *

Joshua's taken to sleeping with the windows of his apartment open, his curtains thrown wide, to let in the cool night breezes that have come with the onset of autumn. Summer has lingered and he's still not used to the heat; it was winter when he was caught up in the compass and lost all those years. To be spit out into the height of summer might have been more of a shock to his system than finding out how much he's missed out on, including wireless internet and cell phones the size of his palm, among other things.

He's drifting in that place between truly awake and asleep, lulled by insect noise and the faint sound of traffic and the bass of his neighbor's music and something else, something trying to hide under everything else. He strains his ears, regretfully shaking himself fully awake. It sounds like… sniffling? Like someone's sitting outside his door, crying.

There's only one person in the entire world who would be crying outside Joshua's door in the middle of the night and the fact that she should be halfway around the world right now hardly registers as Joshua throws back his blankets and pulls a shirt over his head as he heads towards the door. His apartment is small and he reaches the door before his shirt is completely settled on his shoulders.

She's huddled on the porch that he shares with his neighbors, her back pressed against the wall next to the door, arms wrapped around her legs, face pressed against her raised knees. Her shoulders are shaking and that startles Joshua more than her sudden appearance on his doorstep.

He's crouched by her side in an instant.

"Claudia?"

He's knocked onto his ass with the suddenness of Claudia's embrace; she practically _throws_ herself into his arms, her face pressed against his shoulder, her arms squeezing his chest so hard he finds it hard to breathe, her face pressed against his shoulder. A lead weight settles in his stomach and his heart pounds double-time against his ribcage. Something's happened at the Warehouse, something terrible and Joshua almost doesn't want to know what it is; his world's been turned upside down enough in the past few weeks without whatever's happened to bring Claudia to him tonight.

So he tries to shut his brain off as he sits on the threshold of his apartment, holding tight to his shaking sister, rubbing circles on his back, murmuring God-only-knows what into her hair, just trying to calm her down enough to try to get an explanation out of her. He starts to rock, just a little, side to side like he used to do when Claudia was upset as a child.

He's not sure how long they sit there, rocking and clinging to one another, before her sobs start to quiet and eventually turn into the occasional sniffle and hiccup. They sit there for a while longer after that, Claudia's face turned into Joshua's neck, her nose cold against his skin.

She's still shaking.

"Let's get you inside," he eventually murmurs, his arms falling from around her, his hands against the ground as he pushes himself to his feet. He takes her gently by the elbows and gets her standing before he stoops down and picks up the bag he's just noticed and that he assumes contains all the worldly possessions Claudia can't stand to live without.

He sits her down at his tiny dining table and coaxes her out of her jacket and he's uneasy at how every move she's made since she got here was instigated by him. She's staring at her hands in her lap and Joshua has to wonder how she managed transatlantic flight in this state of shock. Whatever happened must have set in later, once she was on the ground, because he's sure she would have been detained for suspicious behavior otherwise.

"Do you want some tea?" he asks, standing next to her, his hand against the top of her head. Her hair used to be dark; this vibrant red and the ever-changing Technicolor streak were a huge surprise, though it seems to suit the young woman she's become in his absence.

She shakes her head. "How about something with the ability to make me forget that I'm a sleeper agent who sold out Artie?" Her voice is hoarse from crying, but Joshua's sure he's never heard a sweeter sound in his entire life, even if her words make very little sense.

"No alcohol, Claud," he tells her, taking the seat next to her, his hand coming to rest on hers. "You're not old enough."

"And that's your biggest concern, is it?" she asks, her voice shrill, her eyes wild. She tries to flail her hands about her face, but he tightens his grip, holding them still in her lap. "What about the fact that I apparently helped the mortal enemy of the man who saved your life and gave me a home for the first time in my life? Don't you care about that?"

"Of course I care, Claudia," he tells her, trying his hardest to keep his voice as even as possible. Claudia's obviously reached her breaking point and he doesn't want any of his words or actions to push her over the edge. "But you're exhausted and need to rest. When was the last time you slept? Two days? Three?"

"Two." Her voice is barely more than a whisper as she slumps in her seat, all the fight seeming to leave her with that single exhalation.

"I promise you, Claudia, that you can explain everything to me as soon as you've gotten some sleep, all right? I promise." He tilts her face up with a hand under his chin until she meets his eye. "I promise."

"Okay."

"Okay," he repeats, tugging her to her feet and steering her towards his bed with the single pillow and rumpled blankets. She lays down when he presses her and lets him pull off her worn Chucks and tuck the blankets around her. He presses a kiss to her forehead as her eyes shut, but he finds his wrist held in an iron grip when he tries to stand.

"Stay with me?" she asks, her eyes wide and glossy with more tears waiting to be shed. "Please, Joshua."

"Make room, then," he says, not even letting himself think of saying no. This is Claudia and he's never said no to her when it really matters, not when she needs him to say yes. Not when she's this obviously scared. "You'd better not still hog the covers."

She rolls onto her side, facing away from him, and he slips beneath the blankets, resting his head next to hers on the pillow, wrapping his body around hers as if to physically protect her from the world.

He's drifting again, the sound of insects and Claudia's breathing working themselves into his thoughts-almost-dreams, when there's a tug on the blankets.

"I've never hogged the covers in my life," Claudia says, elbowing him gently in the stomach as she yanks again, gaining more yet more blankets for herself.

"Liar." He's smiling even as he tugs the blankets back, wrapping an arm around her middle and trapping her arm against her side to avoid further elbows to the gut.

"I never."

"Go to sleep, Claudia."

"Love you, big brother," she says, grasping the hand wrapped around her and Joshua hears the unspoken 'thank you.'

"I love you, too," he tells her. "Now go to sleep."

"Bossy." He barely hears her over the sound of his neighbor's persistent bass, but he knows it's the last thing she'll say tonight. He can feel her ribcage rising with each deep and even breath against his chest and know that she's finally asleep.

In the morning, he's sure his world will be turned upside down yet again by whatever news Claudia has for him, but right now, his sister is safe and resting for the first time in days and that's all that matters. They'll deal with whatever the future will bring when it comes.

The last thing he hears before slipping into sleep is Claudia breathing in tandem with him.

**the end**


End file.
